I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
