My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
