you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
