I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
