That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
