and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
