don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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