You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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