you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
