my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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