i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We need to rekindle our bromance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
