Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
