i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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