Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
