Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
