$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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