You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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