And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
