Your mouth is God's brothel.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
