She's JV to your varsity
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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