Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
