no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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