probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
