Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize