Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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