So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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