You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This baby is an asshole
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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