Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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