mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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