why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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