i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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