Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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