Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
