I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize