OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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