hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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