More tranny stories later!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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