I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and she was petting her beer can
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
