There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
