i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
