I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
