i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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