butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
