Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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