is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
