dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
