WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
