I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize