u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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