No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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