so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
