If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
