i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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