How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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