I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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