So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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