Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
