You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
