Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
