So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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