her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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