Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
