dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize