Already got asked if we're dating
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
