New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
