I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
