Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
