Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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