i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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