He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
