I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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