I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
