I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
