Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drake has all the answers
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
