your room smells of hookers.
And success
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
