Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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