we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
