I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
