i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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