Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
