i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
