You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
