I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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