After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i came on her dog
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
