just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
