I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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