It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
