I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
