My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
