the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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