My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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