remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its not stalking. its research.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
