So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
