I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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