so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
